Guidelines for talking about violence

General guidelines

Make discussing violence a systematic practice that fits your work and feels natural to you.

A sense of safety is an essential part of well-being, and it is appropriate to ask everyone about it. If there is a suspicion of insecurity or violence, professionals have a duty to assess the situation more closely.

When asking about violence, always ensure your own safety and that of your client. Bring up the topic only in one-on-one conversations.

If you use a form, do not ask the client to complete it at home or give it for them to take with them.

If you suspect that your client may behave violently, do not raise the issue if you are alone.

Use an interpreter if needed.

A calm, unhurried encounter is most helpful for a person disclosing violence: the professional creates a safe atmosphere and takes time to focus on the topic.

A friendly and understanding attitude reduces the other person’s need to become defensive.

Do not make assumptions—meet the client in their own life situation.

An adult should be heard regarding their own wishes and support needs. Only after that should services and further steps be discussed.

Whenever possible, ask about violence from both partners in a relationship, and when appropriate, also from children.

Before speaking with a suspected perpetrator, ensure the safety of the person who has disclosed or experienced violence.

If you suspect violence but cannot ask about it privately in that moment, contact the client afterwards and/or arrange a new one-on-one meeting.

Asking about violence

You can usually open the conversation by asking generally about the family, the relationship, or well-being and coping.

If it feels more natural to ask about safety and insecurity rather than directly about violence, start there.

If suspicion of violence arises, begin with observations—not concern.

“Why” questions can be difficult and may stall the conversation.

Aim for open-ended questions and deepen the discussion based on what the other person shares. Avoid questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no”.

Do not settle for easy answers—ask follow-up questions if needed.

Focus on listening.

Put your observations into words when appropriate and check that you have understood correctly.

If your client has an immigrant background and limited language skills, ask clear and concrete questions, such as:
“Are you afraid of someone?” “Who?”
“Has someone hurt you?” “Who?”
Also check that you have understood the client correctly.

If the client is a refugee, remember to assess the possibility of human trafficking. More information: www.ihmiskauppa.fi.

Introductory questions

“I have noticed that situations like this can be challenging for many people… How has your family experienced…?”

“Are you satisfied with your relationship and family life at the moment?”
“What is going well?” “What could be better?”

“What kinds of things do you argue about and how often?” “What happens then?”

Violence-specific questions

“Is there someone in your life whose behaviour makes you feel afraid?”

“Is there jealousy in your relationship? How does it manifest?”

“How does alcohol or substance use affect your partner’s behaviour or your own behaviour?”

“Are you concerned about your partner’s behaviour?”

“Do you have negative feelings toward your partner or your children?”
“How do these feelings show in your daily life?”

Follow-up and clarifying questions

“Could you tell me more about this…?”

“What did you mean when you said that…”

“What do you think about it yourself?”

“What would you like to happen in this situation?”

“What would your partner or child say if I asked them the same question?”

“Did I understand correctly that you meant…”

How to address violence with a child or young person

General

All professionals working with children and young people have a duty to observe their well-being. Since children and young people usually do not disclose violence on their own, it must be asked about.

You can start the conversation with simple questions like “How are you?” or “How’s it going?”

Continue, for example, by asking whether the child or young person is ever afraid of something or someone, or whether someone treats them badly or unfairly. You can also ask how they describe their relationships with parents and friends, and what kinds of conflicts they have experienced.

Ask directly about conflicts:
“How do you argue?” “About what?” “How often?”
“Who do you argue with?” “What happens during the arguments?”

For young people in relationships, ask about their dating relationships:
“How does it feel to be in a relationship?”
“Are there situations in the relationship that feel uncomfortable or distressing and that you would like to talk about with someone?”

When you notice a good opportunity to open the discussion, use it.

Tip: Turva10 is a free tool developed by the Federation of Mother and Child Homes and Shelters to support discussing violence, available online. Because it may be difficult to put experiences of violence into words due to trauma or developmental stage, tools such as picture cards are available to help discuss safety, insecurity, and violence with children and young people of different ages.

When a child or young person discloses violence

Listen calmly. Thank the child or young person for telling you something so important. Relieve them of any sense of guilt.

Write down as accurately as possible what the child or young person says. Let them speak in their own words. You may ask clarifying questions such as:
“What did you mean when you said…?”
“Could you tell me a bit more about when…”

Stay within the child’s or young person’s account. Do not introduce new perspectives. Do not make assumptions or interpretations. Also record the context in which the issue came up (e.g. what happened just before or what was being discussed) and the questions asked.

Ask open-ended questions and avoid leading questions, for example:
“What happened to cause that bruise?” instead of “Did someone hit you?”

For the purposes of further investigation, it is better that the situation has not been discussed in excessive detail, meaning the child’s account has been influenced as little as possible. This does not mean that you cannot talk about violence with the child.
The child has the right to speak if they wish, and the adult has a duty to listen.

If you are unsure how to act, you can consult child protection services, including about what questions to ask. For example, you can tell the child that you will continue the discussion shortly in a calmer place, and seek consultation in the meantime. You may also ask a colleague to join, ensuring this is acceptable to the child or young person.

Be honest with the child or young person. Tell them what will happen next. Help reduce their fear and distress. For children and young people, it is especially important how professionals interact with their parents.

If a guardian is suspected of violence, wait before sharing information until the matter has been investigated by child protection services. Consult the police regarding making a report.

Note that the child’s or young person’s account may change. In such cases, it is important to understand why.